In Ecclesiastes 9:9 Solomon writes; “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love.”

There is an important principle about marriage that everyone needs to grab a hold of.

Here it is… God wants you to enjoy your marriage!

Think about this for just a minute, the One who created Man and Woman and then instituted marriage, is telling all men and women that marriage should be enjoyable.

God really does want you to enjoy your marriage.
God wants you to enjoy the time you spend together.
God wants you to enjoy each other.
God wants you to celebrate.
God wants you to laugh.
God wants you to have fun.

Life is more enjoyable when couples work together.

I once heard a pastor say, “Marriage is like the TV show, Gold Rush.” I thought that was a little strange at first but listen to his comparison.

“Each season, miners strip the land, excavate the ground, load tons of dirt into a dump truck, feed the wash plant, fix broken machinery, drill holes to test new ground, work through personal conflict and battle exhaustion all in the hope of finding a few flakes of gold.”

“The show is 50 minutes of hard work, sweat, bleeding and stress ending with a half dozen big guys huddled together around one guy’s open palm inspecting a few tiny flakes of gold. Is it worth it, absolutely.” For the miners, the pay-out for a season of hard work could be millions.

For a couple who makes enjoying their marriage a priority, the pay-out is a lifetime of closeness, laughter, compassion, understanding and a love which grows their entire life.

How do you start enjoying your marriage?

• Cultivate generosity and compassion towards one another.
• Accept your spouse for who they are and not who you want them to be.
• Make your spouse laugh.
• Think of ways to encourage your spouse.
• Pray for your spouse and pray that you will become a husband or wife who will do everything you can to enjoy your marriage.

Sooner or later, every couple has to figure out how to navigate the spending maze. You have to work out a budget and think through what you are going to spend money on.

There will always be necessities but what about emergencies or spending on fun things? How can you do all this in a way which does not produce conflict?

The good news is…spending does not have to produce conflict if you remember a few guidelines.

You are a steward and God is the owner.

Before you begin to talk about spending, agree as a couple how you will give back to God a portion of what He has given you. Remember, everything you have has been given to you by Him. Use what you have to bless Him, bless others, meet your needs and even provide some fun for your family.

Using what you have wisely is what being a steward is all about.

Develop a big picture for your finances.

Couples who have developed financial goals for their family will spend more time supporting one another than arguing about finances.
Thinking big picture about your finances includes a plan for savings, cost of living, having an emergency fund, and deciding who pays the bills and when it is done every month.

Make sure you develop a plan which will last your life. This includes right now expenses and future expenses like a new home, children who need glasses or braces and even future college expenses. And don’t forget to plan for your retirement.

Spending differences exist, so plan for them.

More than likely what attracted you to your spouse were things about them which were different than yourself. You found these differences exciting, maybe even cute or adorable.

Truth is all couples are different in many ways and more than likely you are different in how you spend. You can choose to either accept that and agree on acceptable levels of spending or you can fight over those differences all the time.

What’s needed is not more income, but more grace and understanding. The best way to keep individual spending from becoming a problem is to agree upon how much each spouse can spend on the things they would like.

Budget this like you would budget any other category and you will find the arguments about personal spending will vanish, as long as you stay in the agreed upon limits.

Start talking about money.

This is the biggest way to keep money and spending from being a problem in your relationship, just talk about it. Don’t talk about it every day or even every week, sometimes too much talk can end up in overload. Plan a time when you can sit down without distractions and talk about spending and budgets and future goals. Go over the details, ask questions and make sure you both are on the same page.

The more you talk about finance and spending the more you will be together and that will reduce stress and stop the arguing.

But here is the best guideline of all.

Pray always and seek help if you need it.

When you pray together about finances and spending it will bring your hearts together so you will be in unity and agreement with your spouse about your spending.

So, pray about your finances, your spending and your giving. Pray together and remember to pray for your spouse, and when needed get some help. Learning how to make finances and spending work well in your marriage can be difficult so if you are struggling talk to someone.

How you navigate spending as a couple will have a huge impact on your marriage. Do it well and do it wisely.

In pre-marital counseling couples often ask, “How can we make our love last a lifetime.” This is a legitimate question since the couples who are about to be married plan to stay married longer than they have been alive when they say, “I do.”

Here are some ways to keep your love alive and grow a strong marriage.

Genesis 2:24 states; “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

All my life I grew up with people saying, “Once you’re married you are supposed to ‘leave and cleave.’”

A couple “becoming one” means way more than sex. At its core it means these two separate people become one as they form a new family, become one as they bless one another, and become one as they navigate all the twists and turns of life.

Here are some suggestions to help you grow a strong marriage.

When you said, “I do,” you made a lifelong commitment to your spouse; now it is time back it up with your words and your actions. Living up to your “I do” brings peace to your partners mind and heart. They will not be filled with worry or consumed with the fear that you might one day leave.

Everyday honor one another and build each other up by showing respect. Honoring one another means choosing to say good things and not hurtful things to your spouse. It’s giving compliments and saying thank you.

One way to make your marriage stronger is to focus on spiritual closeness. Attend church together, serve together, find time to pray as a couple and as a family. Talk about the Lord and worship as a family. I heard a pastor say, “A family that prays together stays together.”

Physical intimacy is important as well, so make this a priority in your marriage. The frequency in which a couple engages in sex may change over the years, but all couples need physical contact throughout their marriage.

One way to make your marriage stronger is to have realistic expectations for one another. Your husband cannot be “Super-husband,” and your wife cannot be “Wonder-wife.” When you develop realistic expectations for yourself and for your spouse, conflict and confusion will be greatly diminished. You will discover that you now have so much more to celebrate.

An important way to help your marriage grow stronger is to make sure you are working towards financial agreement and harmony. When both of you are on the same page about spending, saving and planning for the future, so many frustrations will simply fade away. Talk and pray about your finances and seek how you can support each other in this area as well.

“Leaving and cleaving” means doing the things necessary to grow your marriage stronger.

Some time ago I was reading an article from a well-respected marriage expert when I came across this quote, “Love is not enough for a successful marriage.”

I stopped reading the article and responded out loud; "WHAT?!?!?!?" Once I regained my composure, I decided to keep reading to see what was going on and it got better. Let me share with you four things couples need in their marriages in addition to love. These four things will help make your marriage stronger.

COMMUNICATION
Love is great, but communication is a must. Life goes by fast, and every day there are a multitude of things couples need to talk about, work, kids, activities and so much more.

Not only must a couple communicate about all the things in life, but couples also need to take communication on a deeper level and talk about emotions, dreams, and memories.

I remember one counselor saying, “Make sure your communication is more than just chatter.”

CLOSENESS
Marital closeness is more than sex or being in the same room with your spouse. Marital closeness is making a deep connection with your spouse, it is the “become one flesh” mentioned in the Bible.

Love is important and we all need to express love and receive love from our spouse, but having a deeply emotionally close connection joins your heart with your spouse. Closeness makes you stronger and makes your marriage stronger as well.

FLEXIBILITY
You may be wondering why this matters in a marriage, but it truly does.
Not only does life come at you fast, but it contains a lot of twists and turns as well. If you cannot adjust to the changes, then you’re apt to become angry and hold on to unintended hurts. If you do not deal with those quickly and appropriately then they will gush out at the most inopportune moments and usually end up hurting a lot of people.

So be flexible.

Here’s an example. You planned to have spaghetti for dinner, but everyone’s schedule got rearranged and now there is no time to prepare it. Do not make it a big deal. Order some pizza and go on.

Learn to be flexible. It also helps if your flexibility is filled with grace.

COMPATIBILITY
Compatibility does not mean sameness. I hope you did not marry someone who is exactly like you in every way. We all need differences in our lives.

Compatibility is accepting the difference in my spouse. Here’s what I mean. You’re an indoors person, but your spouse likes to go outside and explore the world.
Amen, let them go, join them when you can and when you can’t, enjoy your quiet time at home. When both people in marriage accept the differences of their spouse then there can be peace instead of conflict.

As you work together on compatibility, you might find it ignites a spark in your heart for your spouse.

Pastor John

Tim Popadic wrote an article for Focus on the Family entitled 21 things we learned in 21 years of Marriage.
I thought the suggestions on his list would be helpful to every couple whether they have been married for 1 month or 60 years.

1. Get out of God’s way.

2. Never wallpaper together.

3. When God is in the middle of something in your life, don’t ask a lot of questions.

4. Seek Godly wise counsel all the time.

5. Go out on regular dates. (Just the two of you.)

6. Be slow to speak, quick to listen, and quick to forgive.

7. It is OK to agree to disagree.

8. Children are a “gift from the Lord.”

9. Early on learn to “make your voice heard” in the relationship otherwise you will be walked all over.

10. Stay connected with one another, with technology.

11. Travel is good for your soul and increases your spirit of adventure.

12. Pray together when you can but pray for each other every day.

13. Laugh together!

14. Take road trips!

15. Let your children see you fight and make up.

16. Hold hands and show affection.

17. In-laws are great. So is living at least thirty minutes away from them.

18. Keep your finances together and transparent.

19. Never be alone with the opposite sex.

20. Praise each other in public.

21. Keep God at the center of your lives in your words, actions, and in the generosity you share with each other.

These are all good things which couples need to learn. Why not take a few moments and come up with your own list.

Pastor John

“It’s nice to be nice.”

Rev. Herbert Martin taught me that. He was the director of the Carver Baptist Mission Center located on Annunciation Street in New Orleans.

He grew up in that neighborhood and after a career in the military, and later as a schoolteacher; he came back to share the love of Jesus he had discovered. One way he did that was to teach everyone from preschoolers to senior adults, “It’s nice to be nice.”

Rev. Martin must have repeated that phrase a 100 times a day. The halls of the Mission Center reverberated with this simple wisdom.

It is good wisdom for life.

It is also good wisdom for marriage.

You may think it would be simple to be “nice” to your spouse day in and day out, but at times it is challenging.
Daily frustrations, misunderstandings, and unmet expectations may make it difficult to be nice.

So, what can we do? How do we change things around so being nice to each other becomes a priority in our marriage?
Here’s a couple of suggestions:

You are always nice to those you cherish.

If you look up the world cherish in the dictionary you will find words like “value,” “prize” and “treasure” are used to help us understand the meaning of cherish.

When you truly cherish your spouse, you will discover it is easy to be nice. Take the steps necessary to make your spouse a great treasure in your life.

When you appreciate your spouse, you will find it easy to be nice to them. But be careful not to fall into the trap of only appreciating them when they do something for you. We all let each other down occasionally.

Appreciate your spouse for who they are. Take a moment and think back upon the reasons you fell in love with them. Let those memories warm your heart. Then try to remember the reasons your spouse fell in love with you and take a moment and be that person again.

More than likely you and your spouse have changed over the years, embrace those changes and appreciate them as well.

Appeciating your spouse for who they are right now will help you to always be nice towards them.

Another way to be nice is to be loving. There are so many ways to be loving.

• Listening is loving.
• Holding hands is loving.
• Encouraging our spouse to take some time and enjoy their hobby is loving.
• Helping around the house is loving.
• Surprises are loving.
• Telling your spouse how important they are to you is loving.

It is nice to be loving.

There are so many great ways to show your spouse that you love them.
• Praise your spouse in front of the kids and other people.
• Give a back rub or a foot massage.
• Send an email or a text during the day letting your special spouse know how much you love them and are thinking about them.
• Pray for them.
• Give a hug.
• Ask their advice.

As important as it is to show your spouse that you love them, it is just as important to show them that you care about them. When was the last time you showed your spouse you really care for them? What did you do? Did they understand you were trying to show them you cared about them?

One way to show your spouse that you care about them is to compromise. When you compromise, your spouse knows you are listening to them and that you consider what they want as just as important as what you want.

In a marriage, compromise is not a bad word and couples who have thriving marriages have learned how to compromise over and over again. Compromise is a commitment to seek the happiness of your spouse more than your own happiness, and when your spouse sees you compromising, they will start compromising as well.

Another way to show love to your spouse is to be consistent. It’s about being there.

When you are chasing your dream to be a race car driver one month, and a mountaineer near the next month, and then a fry guy at McDonald’s the month after that, your spouse can’t depend on you. One of the things your spouse wants more than anything else is to be able to depend on you. Being consistent is how you help your spouse depend on you.

Consistency communicates to your spouse and your family that they are important to you and that you love them greatly. You are there for them.

Another way to show your spouse you love them is through commitment. Does your spouse know beyond any doubt that you will be there tomorrow, next week, next year, or even 10 years from now. Does your spouse know you will be there with them during both good and tough times? Your spouse wants to know you are committed to them and to your family.

But how do you show commitment?
Your spouse sees your commitment when you sacrifice for them and the family.
Your spouse sees your commitment when you spend time with them.
Your spouse sees your commitment when you are honest with them.

How can you show your spouse you love them? There are so many ways! Just start doing it.